Oops Week: Jess

Miserable fail: Following protocol and accessorizing the right way.

"When I read the assignment, I had to think, what embarrassing moment would I share with my girlfriends? Oh, I know.

It all happened at the doctor's office, at my very first appt for my very first pregnancy. I walked up to the desk to check in, and the receptionist took my name, and then handed me a plastic cup. I looked at it a bit confused, and she told me I needed to provide a urine sample. In the past, this happened in a lab. But, no, not at this office. I have to use the plain ol' bathroom on the otherside of the waiting room. At this point in my life, I hadn't yet adopted the habit of carrying a massive bag with me. So, I had to walk across the waiting room with my paper bag concealing my pee cup, pee in it, come back into the waiting room to sit with my bag. Okay, people, you aren't fooling anyone, we all know what is in that paper bag. Everyone in that room knew where I was going, what I was doing, and that I was now carrying my own bodily fluids with me. They told me to "give it to the nurse" when I went in for my appt. They called me back, but this was just weight and height and blood pressure. I set my bag on the counter, answered the questions the nurse had, did the whole deal with weight and height, and then was sent back to the waiting room, paper bag in hand.

Then, I got called back to the actual appt. I went into the room, set the bag down on the table, and a different nurse asked me a bunch of questions. I answered them, and then, she started to leave, so I asked her about the sample, as I pulled it out of the bag. She stood there, looking at me oddly, as I stammered that I was supposed to give her the sample. And, then, I looked, and the pee was gone!! It had just disappeared! My pee, that I was sure to carry with me, was gone. I was so confused, while the nurse, I'm sure, was very amused at me.

She explained that the previous nurse had taken the sample, and given me a new bag with cup for the next visit. I hadn't noticed her doing a sneaking switch-a-roo between all of the questions, weighing, and blood pressure. Apparently, once I get into the routine of it all, I bring the sample from home, in the bag, and give it to the nurse that takes my weight every time. Duh!

So, what was my massive failure here? I didn't fail to pee in the cup. I got that right. There was a moment where I thought, maybe, I had. No, I guess my failure was knowing the protocol for peeing in a cup. I also learned the mommy lesson of: "Always carry a big, obnoxious bag with you, everywhere you go. You'll never know what you need to hide.""

Brilliant advice. Big bags can save your life at the most unexpected moments.