It all started one summer when I lived in the German House at BYU. We were really good friends with the guys in the Chinese house. For our final Sunday dinner, we invited them over. I was in charge of Sunday meals, and this one was going to be grand. We went Thanksgiving style. I told the guy who was helping me from the Chinese house that he had one responsibility: mashed potatoes, enough for 24 people. His response at that moment was to tell me that I had the most beautiful hair he'd ever seen. Okay, weirdo. An hour before the grand event, he brought me 12 frozen, peeled potatoes. Not enough for 24 people. Not mashed. Not happy. Then he said "But I have good news for you! I'm taking you out for icecream this week, how about Friday?" I dropped to the couch, preoccupied by the frozen potatoes. "Fine, sure, whatever."
I moved that week, back into my English speaking apartment. He called me as I was hefting a box up the stairs and asked me what I wanted to do. I heard the word "pool" to which I replied absolutely not. He asked me why not, and I informed him that swimming was not an appropriate first date. He laughed and said that he meant pool, as in, the game with the cues and the balls. "Fine, sure, whatever," was my reply.
He picked me up for the date, and my red headed roommate answered the door. He started hitting on her. Apparently he has a thing for redheads. It wasn't just subtle hitting on her either- she finally stopped him and said "Um...aren't you here to pick up my roommate?"
I'm not gonna lie, I looked pretty dang hot that night. Which was confirmed as he followed me down the stairs of the apartment and said "I don't know why you wouldn't want to go swimming. I would love to see you in a swimsuit. You have a great body." Um, creepy much? Yeah, I think so.
We went to a pool hall and I was so tense because of the previous comment that I couldn't actually hit the ball. My hand eye coordination wasn't that great anyway, and it got considerably worse. So what did he do? Yeah, he decided to teach me how to play pool. By totally running his hand up my back and insisting that he was keeping me steady. At this point, I wanted the date to end. Very badly wanted the date to end. I even excused myself to the bathroom and tried to induce vomiting. But I just wasn't that lucky.
The next stop was Coldstone. As we waited in line, he turns to me and asks "Would it be to much to ask for us to just order one sundae and one spoon and take turns feeding it to each other?" "Yup," I replied, "I've got a thing with germs." At this point, the gag reflex kicked in (curse- 20 minutes too late!) and I could barely eat any icecream.
We got back in the car and continued awkward conversation. He asked me if I was related to the Parley Pratt, and I said yes. He got really excited and said "If I married you, I'd be a general authority for sure!" I didn't have the heart to tell him that since Parley Pratt, no one from his line has been a general authority. And in our church, its not so much based on lineage. In any case, he then started asking me about chocolate. He asked me if I liked it. I said that yes, I do enjoy chocolate quite a bit. He then informed me that he had two qualifications for the girl he was going to marry. She had to have red hair, and she had to love chocolate. There was a very long awkward silence at that point. I mean, how exactly do you respond to that?!?!
We pulled into the apartment parking lot. He turns off the car and I start to get out. He locks the door and informs me that he was going to come around and open the door for me. But he doesn't move. Instead he looks at me and says "So, how do you feel about kissing on the first date?" My reply: "I don't." "Well, why not?" "I had a bad experience." Really, the bad experience was one that I was having at that very moment. "So, can we go out again tomorrow then?" Um...no. Fortunately, I could give him the excuse of colorguard camp starting the next day, and I would be incredibly busy with that for the next um...4 years.
The story doesn't end there. Some how, he figured out my class schedule, and for the first week, was waiting outside of my New Testament class for me every day. This did not end until one day, I grabbed the hand of my guy friend I was walking with. Mission accomplished, although I did have a lot of explaining to do to my guy friend. 3 months later, a mutual friend of mine and creepy date guy informed me that he was still talking about the "beautiful red head with the voluptuous hips" that had blown him off. I still shiver just thinking about it.
I moved that week, back into my English speaking apartment. He called me as I was hefting a box up the stairs and asked me what I wanted to do. I heard the word "pool" to which I replied absolutely not. He asked me why not, and I informed him that swimming was not an appropriate first date. He laughed and said that he meant pool, as in, the game with the cues and the balls. "Fine, sure, whatever," was my reply.
He picked me up for the date, and my red headed roommate answered the door. He started hitting on her. Apparently he has a thing for redheads. It wasn't just subtle hitting on her either- she finally stopped him and said "Um...aren't you here to pick up my roommate?"
I'm not gonna lie, I looked pretty dang hot that night. Which was confirmed as he followed me down the stairs of the apartment and said "I don't know why you wouldn't want to go swimming. I would love to see you in a swimsuit. You have a great body." Um, creepy much? Yeah, I think so.
We went to a pool hall and I was so tense because of the previous comment that I couldn't actually hit the ball. My hand eye coordination wasn't that great anyway, and it got considerably worse. So what did he do? Yeah, he decided to teach me how to play pool. By totally running his hand up my back and insisting that he was keeping me steady. At this point, I wanted the date to end. Very badly wanted the date to end. I even excused myself to the bathroom and tried to induce vomiting. But I just wasn't that lucky.
The next stop was Coldstone. As we waited in line, he turns to me and asks "Would it be to much to ask for us to just order one sundae and one spoon and take turns feeding it to each other?" "Yup," I replied, "I've got a thing with germs." At this point, the gag reflex kicked in (curse- 20 minutes too late!) and I could barely eat any icecream.
We got back in the car and continued awkward conversation. He asked me if I was related to the Parley Pratt, and I said yes. He got really excited and said "If I married you, I'd be a general authority for sure!" I didn't have the heart to tell him that since Parley Pratt, no one from his line has been a general authority. And in our church, its not so much based on lineage. In any case, he then started asking me about chocolate. He asked me if I liked it. I said that yes, I do enjoy chocolate quite a bit. He then informed me that he had two qualifications for the girl he was going to marry. She had to have red hair, and she had to love chocolate. There was a very long awkward silence at that point. I mean, how exactly do you respond to that?!?!
We pulled into the apartment parking lot. He turns off the car and I start to get out. He locks the door and informs me that he was going to come around and open the door for me. But he doesn't move. Instead he looks at me and says "So, how do you feel about kissing on the first date?" My reply: "I don't." "Well, why not?" "I had a bad experience." Really, the bad experience was one that I was having at that very moment. "So, can we go out again tomorrow then?" Um...no. Fortunately, I could give him the excuse of colorguard camp starting the next day, and I would be incredibly busy with that for the next um...4 years.
The story doesn't end there. Some how, he figured out my class schedule, and for the first week, was waiting outside of my New Testament class for me every day. This did not end until one day, I grabbed the hand of my guy friend I was walking with. Mission accomplished, although I did have a lot of explaining to do to my guy friend. 3 months later, a mutual friend of mine and creepy date guy informed me that he was still talking about the "beautiful red head with the voluptuous hips" that had blown him off. I still shiver just thinking about it.
Blech! I think I need a bath after reading about your awful date. I wonder if the poor guy knows the kind of shivers he is capable of sending up female spines. On the other hand, he probably would think they were good shivers, so it's best he doesn't know. Creepy!
ReplyDelete"voluptuous hips"? I think I just threw up a little.
ReplyDelete