Relationship Week: Jessica

"I just finished a psych class, and was fascinated by the information I found. Did you know that the biggest indication that a marriage will end in divorce is if one (or both) spouse is neurotic? Yeah, Jon and Kate were doomed from the beginning. So, don’t be neurotic, okay?

The best relationship advice I got came through my sister from our Bishop’s wife. Her advice was to just tell the guy what you want! She said that you should assume your guy loves you, and wants to treat you well, but they aren’t good at hints, looks, or subliminal messages. Just say it! You have an idea of what you want for Christmas, then tell him! You need him to take the baby for the night, so you can sleep, it’s okay to say that! Don’t pout and say, “If he loved me, he would just KNOW he should stay up all night with the baby.” They are guys; they generally don’t just know these things.

The worst advice I have heard was that spouses should have a “say all” time. They should set apart some time that they are each free to say whatever they want to the other person with no consequences. Just let it all out. Don’t hold back. No. This is wrong. There are always consequences to what you say (good or bad). That couple split a few years later.

In my personal experience, I have found that you get angry with someone when that person does not meet an expectation you had for them. Think about the last time you were upset with someone. What did they do or say (or not do or say) that upset you? What was it that you were expecting that was different? This goes back to my good advice. In a relationship, you should state your expectations clearly. You should also have reasonable expectations of the other person. Did you hear about the lady who threw water at the McD’s employee this week? Her expectations were not reasonable, and she got mad. Next time you are upset, with anyone from your spouse to a business, ask yourself what expectation was not met. Was the expectation clearly stated? Was it a reasonable one? Sometimes, I find that the fault lies with me for not stating the expectation, or having an unreasonable one. If that I the case, I need to calmly explain where I went wrong, and apologize, and then discuss the expectation for future. If it was a clear and reasonable expectation, I need to calmly say why it hurt me that it wasn’t met. (As a side note for any males who may read this, consider all expectations of a pregnant women reasonable. However, girls, be fair and try to make them clearly stated. For example: “Honey, I want dairy queen soft serve ice cream, even though it’s -19, and the closest DQ that is open is 30 miles away.” “Yes, dear.”)

No, I’m not pregnant. I’m just putting this out there for those who are, and may be wanting DQ ice cream right now."